(If I were a stand-up comic, this would be my bit on procrastination.)
Been meaning to write this for years, finally got around to it.
I’m a bit of a procrastinator. Let me amend that: I am quite the procrastinator. OK, OK, truth is, I’m a world-class procrastinator. There are few people on the face of this Earth that can put things off like I do.
In fact, if procrastination were an Olympic event, I’d be the reigning gold medal holder. Providing, of course, I’d gotten my application to join the team in on time, which, of course, I wouldn’t have done.
What would that look like? Olympic procrastination competition — bunch of people standing around with their hands in their pockets, doing nothing? Maybe sitting on a sofa… watching the game… having a brew? That’s weird. I procrastinate all the time but I’ll be darned if I can figure out how I do it.
My wife understands that I have a procrastination problem and, hoping to cure me of this debilitating condition once and for all, she bought me a cassette tape for Christmas: “Conquering Procrastination” by Dr. somebody-or-other, PhD of, I dunno, procrastination, I guess, if he knows enough about it to make a tape.
Listening to this cassette is supposed to help change who I am, make me more un-procrastination-y. Trouble is, the tape can’t help if you don’t listen to it and I haven’t listened to it. Yet. I’ll get around to it one of these days. If I can find it.
Did I mention she got me this tape for Christmas? When I say Christmas, I mean Christmas of, oh, ’91 or ’92 maybe. If she’d gotten it for me recently, It’d be in mp3 format and I’d be ignoring it on my iPod. Hey, I know, if I can find the tape, I’ll convert it to mp3 for my iPod. Gotta remember to put that on my to-do list.
A to-do list is a great tool for a procrastinator. Just putting something on my list makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, you know, like the first step of actually getting it done. (“A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step…”) Once I get something on my list, well, that’s progress, you know? Put it on my list, then knock off for the day. I mean, hey, made progress, right? That’s a good thing.
My to-do list is all in my head. One of these days I’ll write it all down and prioritize things. Gotta put that on my to-do list too. Oh, hey, just did.
I’m such a procrastinator that I decided to write a song about procrastination. It’s to the tune of Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” and goes like this:
<this is me singing>Procrastina-ay-tion, procrastina-yay-tion is making me late… Keeping folks way-yay-yay-yay-yay-ting…