I just sat down to watch a 20th Century Fox movie DVD and it began with that oh-so-annoying “You wouldn’t steal …” video. “You wouldn’t steal a car, you wouldn’t steal a handbag, you wouldn’t steal a DVD… Piracy is a crime.” — the latter referring to downloading movies from the Internet.
Now listen up, Fox. You too, you other movie studios. You’ve acknowledged that I wouldn’t steal a car, handbag or DVD. Why on earth do you think I’m going to steal your movie? Indeed, the “You wouldn’t steal” video is on your DVD. I’f I’m watching your annoying video, I sure as hell didn’t steal your movie by downloading it. I doubt that video pirates would bother to steal your anti-stealing tirade video. So by putting this video on your DVD, you’re aiming this at the wrong audience — people who have already bought the DVD movie.
If you want to reach “stealers” of your movies, put your irritating video on TV. Run it in movie theaters. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT use it to annoy your paying customers by putting it on your movie DVDs.
We’ve established that people watching your video are not thieves, but it seems that you are, Fox. You steal from me that which is most precious and irreplaceable — my time. I am forced to sit through this annoying video, I have no choice. I can’t fast-forward through it, I can’t skip to the next chapter. I’m stuck watching it. I can never get that time back.
What’s worse, I cannot even pause or stop it. As luck would have it, the phone rang just as your mandatory video was starting and I tried to pause. No dice. I tried to stop it. Uh-uh. It this message really so important that nothing can be allowed to interrupt it?
Ironically, forcing me to watch your indoctrination video just makes me wish I’d downloaded the movie from the Internet, so I wouldn’t have to sit through your scolding.